I've Seen This Movie
by horseaholic
Summary: The team has come close more than once to losing the incorrigible big brother member of the team. But how close will they come this time? Serious angst and drama galore! Warning: deathfic. I decided to update early!  Chapter 7 is up!  Complete!
1. The Accident

_Standard disclaimers apply. I don't own any references to Cloak and Dagger, Bury Your Dead, Judgment Day Part II, SWAK, or any other N.C.I.S. episode references that may appear, to varying degrees of relevance, within the story._

_Hey, all. So I know my profile says I am on a temporary hiatus from writing for a couple reasons, but I've been thinking on a storyline for a while now, several weeks, and I just couldn't stand it not being on paper any longer. Granted, it was difficult to start out, for reasons I don't yet understand, but once I got going, things got better, though not easier. You'll see why._

_The story behind this story is kinda funny, actually. Back when I posted the completed chapter 5 of _La loro vita nueva insieme_, "The Bird Has Flown," tiffaroolou reviewed it for me, as she always does ;), and she said that a quote within that story inspired her to write another story. However, at the time, it was just a small idea, and we both got busy with school and it was basically forgotten. But then, about the week before Christmas or so, we started talking about it (it was more along the lines of I bugged her about it, I tend to do that. Sorry, Tiff, but you didn't stop me, lol) and our talking inspired _me _to write a story that related to that quote, though the quote will not appear in this story (it's "Never be hesitant to tell someone you love them, because you never know just when it might be the last time," in case any of you are curious.)_

_And so, after some work, I present to you _I've Seen This Movie_. It _is _based within season 6, though nowhere specifically, and _is_ AU. I think that's all about that for now, though._

_A big thanks goes out to my lovely beta reader, tiffaroolou (previously known as Tiffany331), for allowing me to bounce ideas off her and otherwise utilize her very creative capabilities! Thanks, chica, you rock!_

_That's all I'm going to say for now. Happy (erm, theoretically) Reading._

_Renthead07_

**Default Chapter- The Accident**

* * *

The Mossad liaison officer sat motionless on the soft, squishy brown sofa chair in the white Bethesdawaiting room. No part of her body moved, not even her eyes. She sat, curled up cat-like, in the chair, and did not acknowledge the presence of one of her team moving toward her. Only when a soft voice spoke her name, did she look up.

"Ziva."

Ziva looked up at Gibbs, but said nothing. Her despairing expression spoke volumes.

"It was not your fault."

"Yes, it was, Gibbs," Ziva said. "Tony is dying and it is my fault."

"It was an accident, Ziva. You know that."

"I do not have accidents, Gibbs!" Ziva stated firmly. Her agitation caused her to rise from her chair and begin to pace. Mostly, the pacing action was an effort to hide from Gibbs the tears that were forming in her eyes. But she knew he could see them. "I should have been more careful."

It had been a case of a drug bust within a mob, at a huge warehouse on the south side of D.C.

Gibbs shook his head. "Ziva, had you been more careful, we wouldn't have brought down those bastards today," he said. "Tony knows being an agent means putting his life on the line every day. If he was afraid of that or unwilling to risk it, then he wouldn't be here."

"He may not be here by morning, Gibbs," Ziva said quietly.

"Tony's a fighter. If he doesn't make it, he'll have to answer to me. And he knows it," Gibbs said.

"I hope he knows it, Gibbs," Ziva said. "Otherwise, we will be down an agent. Again."

"You have to have faith, Ziva," Gibbs said. "You have to think positive thoughts."

Not convinced, Ziva nodded and went and sat back down, letting the memory wash over her again.

_The team had gone to the south side of town, to a huge warehouse, in order to perform a drug bust within a major D.C. mob._

_Upon arriving, they split up, to take the suspects by surprise and from the outside. McGee went left and Ziva went right, while Gibbs covered the front and Tony went to the back._

_On Gibbs' signal, each member of the team kicked in their respective door and rushed into the warehouse. The mob was ready and immediately opened fire. Shots rang out instantly, their sounds echoing eerily within the metal warehouse. Too many shots to count. The team took cover behind any nearby crates. The silence between volleys seemed heavier and louder than the actual moments of gunfire._

_Suddenly, Ziva heard heavy running footsteps coming from behind her, fast. Instantly, her reflexes kicked in and she whirled around, gun still drawn. One of the mob members was feet from her, Tony behind him, gun also drawn. Quick as a flash, she squeezed off one, two, three rounds into the man's chest, directly into his heart. In only moments, he fell to his knees, then onto the cold concrete floor and moved no more._

_What Ziva was not expecting was the senior field agent to go down, too._

_Tony's face was a mixture of shock, confusion, and pain. Hazel eyes stared in horror at dark brown ones. Then Tony collapsed to the floor._

_In seconds, Ziva had holstered her gun and bolted over to Tony, completely ignoring two more shots that rang out. He was staring up at her, breathing raggedly. But Tony was able to get one word out._

"_Ziva..." he croaked, before succumbing to a coughing fit, a vain attempt to breathe past the blood spilling from his chest._

"_Shh, Tony, do not talk," Ziva said, as she immediately took off her jacket and placed it over his chest wound and applied firm, steady pressure with her hands. Gibbs turned him over onto one side, then the other. Tony let out a strangled yell of pain, then he passed out completely._

Damn, _Gibbs thought, _no exit wound.

"_McGee, call 911!" he barked. "Keep applying pressure, Ziva." Ziva nodded, as Gibbs checked that Tony was still breathing. He was, for now._

_McGee, who was white as a ghost, was already on the phone with an operator. Hands shaking badly, he gave directions to the warehouse, figuring the E911 address was of little use._

_For a moment, Tony opened his eyes, then said the last thing Ziva ever thought she'd hear him say._

"_You know... this reminds me of a movie..."_

_Tony barely completed the phrase before passing out. But he was still breathing._

"_Ziva, McGee, check the bodies," Gibbs said, not leaving Tony's side. "I've got him."_

_McGee and Ziva went around and checked the bodies of the deceased mob members, including the leader. Then it clicked: those had been the last two gunshots she had heard. Her mind seemed disconnected from what her hands were doing._

_Ziva raced back over to Gibbs, as Tony suddenly regained consciousness and hacked up blood._

"_Easy, son, easy," Gibbs said, turning Tony onto his side, to allow for some of the blood to drain out of his mouth._

"_I'm cold, Boss..." Tony took in a shuddering breath, then passed out again. A moment later, Ziva heard Tony softly exhale, then his chest ceased rising and falling entirely._

"_Oh no, you don't! You're not allowed to die on me, DiNozzo, do you hear me?" Gibbs barked, as he checked for a pulse, and, finding none, began chest compressions. After the correct number of compressions, he gave Tony two rescue breaths and checked again for a pulse. Again, there was nothing. Gibbs quickly resumed CPR._

_Sometime later, the team heard sirens and the ambulance raced first into view, then up to the front of the warehouse. McGee waved them down and the EMTs rushed in with a gurney. Two EMTs quickly secured Tony onto the gurney and started an I.V., while a third continued compressions and a fourth breathed for Tony with a bag mask._

_The team could only watch helplessly as the ambulance raced away. Then all the team could do was to wait for Ducky, Jimmy, and the M.E. vans to transport the bodies to headquarters, then get to the hospital and wait for word on Tony._

"Dwelling on what happened won't help make it any easier, Ziva," a deep Scottish voice said.

Ziva jumped. For a moment, she had forgotten where she was and who she was with. At the moment, she felt all alone.

"I know, Ducky, but it is better than pretending it did not happen," Ziva said.

"No one's pretending, Ziva," Ducky said.

"I know, Ducky!" Ziva said sharply, irritably. "Do you not understand how I am feeling? Tony may be dying because of me."

"You cannot think like that, my dear. Tony knows you would never do that on purpose. You're allowed to make mistakes," Ducky said.

"No, I am not, Ducky," Ziva said. "In Mossad, they terminate those who make mistakes."

Ziva could not think of anything more to say, so she settled on inhaling a deep breath and sitting down once more.

Gibbs nodded wordlessly, in response to silence. He knew pretty accurately how she was feeling at the moment. All the team could do at the moment was what they hated most— sit and wait on the sidelines, while one of their most important members of the team fought for his life. They could only pray and hope for the best. But all were terrified of what possible outcome was due to follow.

* * *

_Hope everyone had a good New Year's Eve. Mine wasn't bad. Have a great 2011, everyone. Any resolutions? Reviews are encouraging. Thank you._

_Renthead07_


	2. Going Through the Motions

_Hey, guys. My plans are to try and update about a chapter each week, but once school resumes on January 10th, I can't make any promises because college sucks your energy, time, and soul. I will do my best, as generally, my weekends are pretty open, or at least Saturdays are, especially now that I purchased a laptop on Black Friday and don't need to utilize campus computers (library and labs) quite as much (thank goodness, their hours SUCK!)_

_But I digress... Other than that... here is chapter 2. It will be rather intense, so be prepared (not that I don't consider chapter 1 to be intense, because I do, hehe.)_

_Thank you to BnBfanatic, amblue36, ncis1111, and mstictac (who reviewed anonymously, so unfortunately, I cannot reply) for the positive feedback. It is very encouraging and much appreciated. I look forward to hearing more from you guys in the future. :) (Tiff, I know you'll review when you can, not to worry, haha.)_

_And now, I present chapter 2. It will be very intense, so be prepared._

**Chapter 2— Going Through the Motions**

* * *

McGee had never feared for his life more than in this moment, while Gibbs drove to the hospital, with him in the passenger seat and Ziva and Abby in back. Gibbs even beat the ambulance itself to the hospital.

The team filed into the waiting room and waited for Tony to be brought through triage and eventually make it to his own private room.

At least that's what they hoped would happen.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, a nurse called Tony's name. Abby, Jimmy, and Ducky had arrived long ago, after taking care of the bodies at the warehouse. Autopsies and analysis of any evidence would come later. The well-being of their team member came first to them.

The team followed the nurse back to an office room, where, to their surprise, they were met by Doctor Brad Pitt.

"You weren't the doctor we were expecting to see," Gibbs said, questioningly, cocking an eyebrow and shaking the doctor's hand, as Brad entered the office.

"No, normally, I would not be," Brad said. "However, since I have treated Tony before and know his unusual medical history, the hospital thought it best that they call me in."

Gibbs nodded. "How is he?" he asked, gruff voice softened by utter concern for his senior field agent.

In the next second, the team knew that something had gone terribly wrong, when Brad's face fell to a hundred percent sympathetic.

"I'm very sorry to inform you and your team, Agent Gibbs, that Anthony did not make it."

Abby suddenly let out an agonizing cry and sank to the floor, tears streaming down her face. McGee rushed over to her and held her close for several moments, while she cried bitterly.

"No, no, no, no, no!" Abby cried, her voice growing weaker with each word. "Not Tony! Please, not Tony... Please... Not Tony..."

Then her voice cracked, then broke completely and she could only sob. Her throat closed up and made it difficult to breathe.

Ducky came over and attempted to placate her. McGee was silent, a hard, angry, confused look on his face. Jimmy felt just as lost and confused and upset, though more solemn than the rest, as he, like Ducky, was so well-acquainted with death.

Ziva literally felt like her heart was breaking. She had only ever once in her life felt more miserable than this, when Tali had died. She would never forgive herself for what happened to Tony. For what she had done to him.

The former Marine, however, felt like he had been punched in the gut, then like his heart had torn from his chest and ripped to shreds right before his very eyes. It was like he had lost another child. Tony had always been like a son to him.

"I'm so sorry for your loss," Brad said sincerely. The team nodded simultaneously. "Would you like to see him?"

Gibbs nodded again. Brad nodded and led them down a hallway, to ICU room 10. The entire team filed in, one by one. Tony's body was covered with a white sheet, except for his face, which was still stained with dried blood he had coughed up earlier.

Abby's eyes filled with tears again and she buried her face in McGee's chest and sobbed.

One by one, each member of the team walked over to Tony and gazed upon his body in a moment of silence. Everyone was wondering how on Earth they would get through losing their incorrigible big brother, their son.

"Take as much time as you need," Brad said kindly.

Everyone on the team nodded, then the doctor left the room. The team stared at the gurney in silence, not finding words to say.

Suddenly, Ziva covered her face with her hands, whimpered, and turned and left the room. All watched her exit, but did not stop her.

"Ducky," Gibbs said quietly, with a question in his voice, "go with her?"

"Certainly," Ducky said, and he followed Ziva down the hallway.

After some time, the doctors and nurses needed to take Tony's body downstairs to the morgue in the hospital basement.

"Thank you for doing all you could," Gibbs told Brad, who had returned with the other doctors and nurses a moment ago.

Brad nodded solemnly and shook Gibbs' hand. "I only wish I could have done more. It's not easy for us to lose patients, either."

Gibbs nodded, then turned his focus to Abby and beckoned to her. "Abbs."

Abby was last to approach the gurney. She leaned down and gently pressed her lips to Tony's forehead, which was still slightly warm. Slowly, she wrapped her arms around his body in a hug.

"I'm sorry, hon," she whispered, "I'm so sorry..."

She released her gentle hold on him and stood next to McGee, who gave a solemn nod, but couldn't find words to say. Then, as Abby dissolved into tears again, the trio left the room.

* * *

Meanwhile, Ducky had followed Ziva down the hallway. She seemed to be ignoring him; at least he thought so, when she didn't look back. He knew she could hear him following her.

"Ziva," he said. Ziva turned around. "Ziva, I know you probably do not want to talk about this, but you're clearly very upset and angry and my ears are open."

"I do not need assurances, Doctor," Ziva said. "Tony died because of me. There is nothing any of us can do about it. Nothing can change what happened. But I can change what happens to me as a result."

"Ziva, this conversation will not leave the two of us," Ducky said. "You can talk to me."

"Gibbs will know," Ziva said. "Confidential or not, Gibbs always finds these things out, one way or another."

"Well, let's cross that bridge when we come to it, shall we?" Ducky asked. "Until then, I am here if you need to talk."

Ziva shook her head. "I have nothing to say," she said.

"At least join me in the cafeteria for some tea," Ducky said. "Please, I insist."

Ziva nodded. "Alright," she said.

Ducky smiled and nodded. He put a friendly hand on her shoulder, then they walked down to the cafeteria together. Ducky purchased two green teas, one for Ziva and himself. They sat down and she looked at him over her tea. "I will complete the mandatory counseling."

"And you will be honest with your psychiatrist," Ducky said.

Ziva nodded, noticing it was more of a hopeful statement than a request. "As honest as I can bear," she said.

"A counselor can only help you if you open up," Ducky said. "It will be hard at first, but you can do it. It's the only way to make things better for you."

Ziva nodded. "The counselor will understand," she said. "Gibbs will be the problem."

"What do you mean?" Ducky asked.

"I am no longer comfortable working at N.C.I.S., Ducky," Ziva said. "I am considering leaving and going back to Israel."

Ducky was stunned. "But _why?_" he asked, after a moment. "These things happen all the time. You just have to deal with it, then eventually move on. It just takes time. Grief and moving on is not going to happen overnight, as much as we'd like it to."

"I may still remain here, but I doubt it," Ziva said.

"You need to tell Gibbs," Ducky said. "Talk to him about how you're feeling. See what he thinks. At least do that for me, if not for anyone else."

Ziva nodded. "I will. Please do not tell him for me. I will, on my own time."

Ducky smiled. "Good," she said. "I am here if you need to talk again."

Ziva nodded again. "Thank you."

"You're most welcome, my dear," Ducky said, smiling fondly and gently placing his hand over top of hers. "Are you ready to go back?"

"I believe so," Ziva said. "Thank you for being there for me, for listening."

"Of course," Ducky said, smiling encouragingly. They got up from their chairs and went back to the hospital room.

* * *

A few hours later, Gibbs waited silently in Receiving, as Ducky and Jimmy brought in Tony's body in a body bag. Wordlessly, he followed them over to Autopsy.

Gibbs paused, as the Autopsy doors hissed open.

No more movie references, no more practical jokes, no more "On it," no more "On your six, Boss."

Autopsy was never going to be the same again, now that a man he considered to be as close to his son as was possible without sharing blood had passed through these doors.

It was hard to believe that Tony, his best agent, his son, was really gone.

"Would you like some time alone?" Ducky asked, after he and Jimmy had transferred Tony's body from the bag to a slab.

Gibbs nodded.

"Take all the time you need. Mr. Palmer and I will be waiting, when you're ready."

"Thanks, Duck."

Ducky placed a consoling hand on Gibbs' shoulder, then left Autopsy. Gibbs pulled the sheet back from Tony's face, then pulled up a chair and sat down. He heaved a deep sigh. He took back all the head-slaps, all the "Ya think, DiNozzo?"s, all the times he'd taken out his frustrations and temper on his right-hand man and Tony had taken it like the standup guy he was.

At least, Gibbs would take it back if he could.

He stared at Tony's still face.

_It's not breaking the rule to apologize to family or friends._

"I'm sorry it had to end this way, son."

The silver-haired man slowly stood up and walked out of Autopsy, where Ducky and Jimmy were waiting patiently.

"I will get you autopsy results post-haste," Ducky said somberly.

"You should have brought in another M.E., Duck," Gibbs pointed out, looking at him.

"I know," Ducky said, sighing. "But just like with Caitlin, it didn't feel right. I wouldn't want anyone else performing it."

Gibbs nodded understandingly. "Hey, Duck?" he asked, just before leaving.

"Yes, Jethro?"

"Take care of him."

"I will."

Gibbs nodded again, then left Autopsy.

Ducky and Jimmy transferred Tony's body from the slab to the table, then Jimmy left the room for a moment, to give Ducky time alone with Tony. Ducky turned to face Tony, then sighed and spoke.

"Oh, Tony, I'm so very sorry this happened. This is all an incredibly sad event. I'm afraid Ziva is taking it extremely hard, but Jethro and Abigail are taking it the worst of all. Jethro blames himself, of course, even though he had no involvement. We're all trying our best to convince Ziva just as much as ourselves that she is not to blame, either. It was an accident. McGee will look after Abigail, of course, but Jethro never wants anyone to look after him. Except, perhaps, you and I, but there, he knows he really doesn't have a choice in the matter, that he never really did. He's so strong-willed, stubborn, and brash that it's highly unusual and very upsetting to see him like this. N.C.I.S. will never be the same without you, my dear boy. You will be very sorely missed. You had a great many years ahead of you yet." Ducky placed his hand on Tony's shoulder, only partially covered by the sheet. "Rest in peace."

Ducky looked over at Jimmy, as he reentered Autopsy. "Ready, Mr. Palmer?"

"Um, actually, Doctor, I was wondering if I could have a moment?" Jimmy asked hesitantly.

"Yes, of course," Ducky said. "I will go upstairs and check on Abigail, to give you a few minutes." He placed a consoling hand on Jimmy's shoulder. "You know, when you first started working here, I never would have guessed that you two would become such good friends. But I'm certain Tony valued your friendship a great deal."

"Thanks Doctor," Jimmy said. Then he turned his attention back to Tony, as Ducky nodded and left Autopsy.

"Hey, Tony," he began quietly, nervously. His voice cracked and he cleared his throat, swallowed hard, then tried again. Awkwardly, he said, "It's gonna be really weird without you around here from now on... But, um, I'm glad we were friends. At least, I'd like to think we were. I know Doctor Mallard said it was unlikely, but I consider what crap you gave me and the nickname to be indications of friendship. We didn't really talk much, but it was there."

Jimmy paused, realizing he was rambling. He took a deep breath, then started again, his voice stronger and a bit more frustrated this time.

"We're all trying really hard not to blame Ziva, but we all know the truth. She held the gun; doesn't matter that it was an accident. She acts all stoic and like she hasn't been crying, but you can tell she's lying, because her hair and makeup's a mess and her eyes are always red."

He shook his head in frustration. "It's all a major disaster. Abby's a complete wreck. She can barely do any of her work for crying so much. McGee thinks he has to be normal and strong for everyone and like nothing has really happened and that's not good for him, either. And it's hard, seeing Doctor Mallard so torn up over all this. But Gibbs... Gibbs... Jeez, Tony, I think it's his reaction that is scaring me the most. I mean, you know he terrifies me, but it's different this time. He is so seriously out of it, somebody's gotta be. Strong, I mean, so I guess McGee is choosing that. I don't think he has even considered he'll be the new Senior Field Agent now. I doubt it is the promotion he ever imagined."

Jimmy paused again for a moment, thinking.

"Let's see, what else. Director Vance is furious. I've never seen him and Gibbs more at odds than they are right now. Their individual perspectives of all this are totally different, so they aren't working together well in the slightest. Your father can't be reached to come to your funeral— apparently, he's, um, well, he's overseas... But I guess you figured he wouldn't come anyway..."

He sighed. "So, um, I took your American Pie coffee mug. I know you got mad last time, when your car blew up and everyone thought you were dead for a while, but I figured it was all certain this time, so it would be OK this time. Right? I, um, promise it will be in good hands. At least until you get it back. You will."

Shortly after Jimmy had finished talking to Tony, Ducky returned.

"Ready, Mr. Palmer?" he asked, pulling on a fresh pair of latex gloves.

"As ready as I'll ever be, Doctor."

"I'm afraid," Ducky said, turning on the overhead light, "the first one is always the most difficult."

"'The first', Doctor?" Jimmy asked, confused.

"The first autopsy of someone you know," Ducky said. "Mine was, of course, over 30 years ago, when I was about your age. He was a friend who had collapsed on a summer's day quite like this one, while flying his remote control airplane in a wheat field. He was 30. His funeral was on his thirty-first birthday. He died of an unexplained grand mal seizure, with no history of seizures. He was healthy, despite drug and alcohol misuse as a teen. It was quite sad, as his body just unexpectedly completely shut down from the episode. He wouldn't have been able to live much of a life, had he survived." The doctor gave his young assistant a weary look. "So, sometimes, as Gibbs says, 'Death is a release, not a punishment.'"

Jimmy nodded solemnly.

"It does get easier, though," Ducky said. "Hopefully, a majority of the time, you don't know the victims personally. It makes it so much less personal for you that way."

Jimmy nodded again. "That's good advice, Doctor."

"Especially as it is Tony, before we begin, I'll understand if you don't want to proceed," Ducky said. "I can always bring in another M.E."

"You're doing it," Jimmy pointed out. He smiled. "I've got your back, Doctor."

Ducky smiled appreciatively and began to lower the knife.

* * *

Meanwhile, McGee had gone with Abby down to her lab. She had received Tony's clothing and other effects, including effects from his desk in the bullpen. Until the autopsy was finished and she had more evidence sent down to her, this was what she had to work with.

Abby was a mess. She had not stopped crying for hours. Her makeup was completely ruined, her hair was not in their usual pigtails, but tangled and unwashed and haphazard around her shoulders. No music sounded throughout the lab.

"Tony..." she whispered, running her gloved hands gently over his Ermenegildo Zegna suit and his Dolce Gabbana shirt, stained with his blood. She lifted them close to her face and inhaled. Despite all the blood, it still smelled a bit like him. More tears spilled down her cheeks and she could barely speak for crying. "You were always such a snappy dresser, Tony, business, but after-hours. It was really nice."

Suddenly exhaling sharply with agitation, Abby turned and went back to her computer and continued typing furiously.

"Abby," McGee said softly, "slow down."

"I can't," Abby said. "There's a deadline for everything, McGee. I've barely had any time to start analyzing Tony's effects. I have to have something for whenever Gibbs gets back. I always have something, so dammit, if I don't this time..."

McGee went over and gently placed his hand over hers. "Let me."

Without warning, she whirled around and flung her arms around McGee's neck. Startled but unsurprised, he awkwardly rubbed her back.

"Easy, Abby," he said soothingly, unsure of what else to say.

"Oh, McGee," she said, "I'm really gonna miss him!"

"Me too, Abbs," McGee said, sighing, "me too. It'll be OK."

McGee felt her nod against his shoulder. He would not let her see the tears that formed in his eyes for his lost best friend.

"Would seeing him make you feel better?" McGee asked her, as they released each other.

Abby shrugged. "I don't know." Her voice was a mixture of anger, fear, and vulnerability. "It didn't help in the hospital. How will Autopsy be any different?"

"I think we should. It helped me when Kate died," McGee said. "It was hard, but it helped. It showed me that what I was imagining she'd look like was wrong. She looked OK. I'm scared to go down and see him, too, but Tony probably does look OK, too."

Abby nodded, as he gently wiped away her tears with the pad of his thumb. "OK, let's go," she said.

They took the elevator to Autopsy. Ducky and Jimmy had just finished cleaning up when they arrived.

"Ah, Abby, Timothy," Ducky said, though not in his usual cheerful tone, "would you like some time with Tony?"

"We thought it might make things a little easier, Ducky," McGee said. "It helped to see Kate after she died."

"Indeed. We'll leave you two with him," Ducky said.

McGee nodded and smiled appreciatively, then Ducky and Jimmy stepped out to give them some privacy.

They held hands as they slowly walked over to Tony's slab. If they didn't know better, they might have thought Tony was sleeping. The blood was gone, as was all the ruined clothing. He looked peaceful.

"He looks good," Abby said softly.

"Yeah, he does," McGee agreed. "Feel any better?"

"A little," Abby said. She leaned down and gently pressed her lips against Tony's cold forehead. "I miss you so much already, Tony. It's never going to be the same without you."

Straightening up again, she looked at McGee, who squeezed her hand reassuringly. She smiled appreciatively at the gesture, then they left together.

* * *

Abby quickly wiped away her tears, as Gibbs entered her lab. McGee had gone upstairs to continue his desk work, after making sure she was OK enough to have some time alone.

"Hey, Abbs," he said softly.

"Gibbs," Abby said stiffly. "I don't have anything for you."

"It's OK, Abbs. Take a break. You've been working non-stop."

"So have you, Gibbs. I don't even remember you leaving to go home."

"I have something for you," Gibbs said, choosing to ignore the previous remark. Abby turned to face him and he brought forth Tony's gear bag. He pulled out several CDs, which had Tony's favorite tracks on them, and handed them to her. "The CDs are for you, Abbs" he said. "They're not evidence. Neither is the bag or the knife."

Abby took the bag from him and dug through it for a moment. Then she said, "His knife is missing."

Gibbs was silent for a moment, then said, "Oh... Yeah, Abbs, I'm keeping that... for now."

Abby nodded, then pulled Gibbs into a hug. "Thank you, Gibbs. This means so much to me. I'm really gonna miss him. I know you are, too."

"Yeah, Abbs," Gibbs whispered, as Abby handed the bag back to him, "yeah, I know."

Abby smiled half-heartedly. Gibbs kissed her on the cheek, then left.

* * *

Later that day, Ducky had come upstairs with the autopsy results. The bullet had entered his chest directly beside the sternum on the left side, missed his heart by two inches, grazed his lung, ricocheted off the first rib, fracturing it, and came to rest in the _lattisimus dorsi _muscular tissue in his back, below the ribcage.

"It explains why he had difficulty breathing and did not die right away," Ducky explained sadly to the team.

The team nodded solemnly, then began to go back to their desks. Abby, however, shot Ziva a dark, unforgiving look, then turned and went back to her lab.

Ziva glanced at Gibbs, who gave her a silent cue, then she exhaled heavily before following Abby. The two women entered the elevator simultaneously and took it down to the forensics lab in heavy silence.

* * *

_Ooh, cliffhanger! Haha, I know, I'm evil. Please review to tell me what you thought. I know some of you have been reading, but not leaving reviews. Please remember that this story is mostly about the team, in the aftermath of Tony's death, not Tony's actual death. And you think you're having a hard time waiting for an update? It's even hard for me to wait a week, haha. Silly, I know. Trust me, there will be more drama and angst before it gets better. __Reviews are very encouraging, so please send some on. Thanks. :) I'll update in a week._

_Renthead07_


	3. Look Where We've Come To

_Hey, guys. It's been a long week for me. On Tuesday morning, my family put down our aged Golden Retriever, our family dog of 12 years. It was a sad day for us. But it was a peaceful process. She went very softly. But it was still a really hard day for me. I don't think I stopped crying for most of it... I skipped my three classes, in order to take a day off, then had full days of classes Wednesday through Friday. I'm taking 17 credits, which is keeping me very busy. I don't know what possessed me to take College Composition II, Speech, Geography, _AND _Biology all in one semester... I'll do my best to continue to update for you guys, assuming I don't have trouble with writer's block or being busy. If I do, though, it probably won't be weekly, but I'll try to meet my deadline as much as I can._

_Thank you to luzma for the new feedback. I've never gotten a review in another language before. That's really neat. (I'll admit it, I had to translate it to know what you said, but it was still really cool, I'd be OK with you doing it again.) :) Sorry I can't reply, but it's anonymous, so I can't. :( Also thank you to flabbygeek for the feedback. Here is chapter 3. It will be just as intense, so be prepared._

**Chapter 3— Look Where We've Come To**

* * *

Trailing only a few steps behind, Ziva could practically feel the anger and heat radiate from the forensic scientist. It sent chills through her body, which she quickly squashed, replacing them with feelings of utter frustration with Abby. It was difficult to tell which woman was angrier, more resentful, or more dangerous at the moment. Neither had slept the night before and both looked terrible, makeup all run and hair a mess, and both could barely keep their eyes open.

"Abby," Ziva said, as she followed the scientist back to her lab. But Abby did not turn around or even acknowledge that Ziva was following her. "Abby," Ziva said, louder. Abby still did not look at her. Still, Ziva did not stop pursuing her. "Abby!" she finally shouted.

"What?" Abby yelled, whirling around suddenly, as they entered her lab and the doors beeped as they slid closed behind them.

"I know it is probably the last thing you want to hear right now, but regardless of whether I need to or not, I feel like I owe you an apology," Ziva said firmly, but evenly.

There was another long moment of silence, then Abby said seriously, firmly, "Well, you're right." Ziva's eyebrows rose with surprise. "An apology is the _last_ thing I want to hear from you right now."

"Gibbs says it is not against the rules for friends and family to apologize to each other," Ziva said quietly. "I am sorry for what happened. Please do not think that I do not care, because I do."

"But you know, right now, Ziva, I don't consider you my friend," Abby said loudly. She turned to her computer and proceeded to type furiously. "So I say, screw the rule. Apology not accepted."

"Abby, what happened was not my fault," Ziva said firmly, louder. "I know I held the gun, but I did not shoot Tony intentionally. It was an accident. Still, I am apologizing to you about it. I know you cared for him a great deal, probably second only to Gibbs, which is not to say I did not care for him. Clearly, you have something to say to me or you would not be being so antagonistic toward me. Go ahead and say it."

Abby placed her hands on her hips, pivoted around, then narrowed her eyes and said, "OK, fine, but you asked for it." Ziva stood, waiting for the fireworks. "I realize it was an accident, Ziva. But unlike _some_, I have been _so_ busy trying to do my job that I have had no time to process anything or just grieve, except in the hospital. Tony was my best friend and I already miss him so much, and he has been gone barely a week. So please leave me alone for a while, so I can have some time to be alone, angry, upset, whatever, and to place blame where I want it. Then I will be able to move on, on my own time. Then _maybe_ we can start getting back to the way things were," Abby said coldly, scowling at her.

With the truth finally out, the argument suddenly came to a halt. The two women stared at each other, Abby still with anger, Ziva with exhaustion. Ziva swallowed hard, then nodded twice.

"Very well," she said softly, then she left the lab. She had made her decision.

* * *

Abby woke at Noon on the morning of the funeral. She felt terrible for not already being down at the funeral home to help Gibbs and Ducky with funeral arrangements. She was also still angry at Ziva, following their argument the day before. She sighed and tried to slowly slip out of bed without McGee noticing. She had asked him to stay the night with her, though she only had one bed to offer. She couldn't bear to be alone the night before the funeral. Being alone the day Tony had died had been hard enough.

She turned the shower on full blast, and while it took a few seconds to warm, she took her hair down from the messy pigtails she put it up to sleep and slowly undressed. She let the shower's hot, heavy stream work out the knots that had developed during the last twenty-four hours.

Meanwhile, McGee woke up and heard the shower running. He lay silently on the bed, while waiting for Abby to finish up her shower, and listened to the birds chirping happily outside. While they were celebrating new life and sunshine and long days, he and everyone else he cared about and loved were facing death. They could not reason, therefore would never fully have to endure the death of loved ones. He knew Abby needed time to process everything that had happened and to get ready to go help work on the plans for Tony's funeral. He needed time, too, but of course he felt she needed him to be there for her more. He wanted to talk to her about how she was feeling before she went to the funeral home. He wanted to give her a chance to let go of all the pretensions and just blow off some more steam.

He heard her sobbing in the bathroom, then, feeling anger and frustration rise within him, he decided enough was enough. In a swift motion, he sat up and slammed his fists into the wall as hard as he could, breaking the skin on several knuckles from the impact. He ignored the trickles of blood and the pain from possible sprains and walked into the small bathroom. He found Abby wrapped up in a fluffy black towel, crying, soaking wet, and shivering. Ignoring sharp flashes of pain, he pulled her into his arms and held her as she cried. They sat in the floor of the bathroom for what seemed like hours, but in reality was about thirty minutes.

Abby finally calmed down and crawled out of McGee's embrace. He stood up first and offered his hand to help Abby up. She grabbed his hand and shakily stood up.

"Abby?" McGee asked, watching her carefully.

Abby hugged her arms close to her body. "I'm not sure I can make it through today, Tim," she said, her voice barely a whisper.

"Why not?" McGee asked gently, though of course, he knew the answer.

"Burying Tony makes it real. It means he's really gone."

"Abby, you don't have to be strong all the time," McGee said.

"Yes, I do, Tim," Abby said, looking up at him through tear-filled eyes.

"Do you want to talk about it, Abby?" McGee asked, his brown eyes staring into hers. Abby shook her head wordlessly. "Are you sure?"

"Tim, I know you are trying to help and it means more to me than you can ever imagine, but right now, I just don't think I can bear to talk about it anymore. Tony is dead. I wasn't there. Dammit, I wasn't there. Tim, if I had been there, I could have done something to stop it; somehow, I could have fixed this," Abby ranted, fresh tears streaming down her face.

McGee shook his head vehemently. "Abby, there was nothing anyone could have done. You're right, you weren't there, but you not being there was _not _your fault, either. You aren't part of our field team, not usually, you know. Your part happens in your lab. It was an accident. You can't carry the weight of the world on your shoulders like that, especially when it was no one's fault to begin with. It's not good for you."

"You know, Ziva and I yelled at each other yesterday," Abby admitted quietly.

"No, I didn't know," McGee said, releasing his hold on her enough to allow her to look up at him. "What happened?"

"She followed me down to my lab and tried to apologize. But I was angry and upset and I didn't accept her apology. I blamed her for everything that happened," Abby explained. "I know it was the wrong thing to do, but at the time, I didn't care. I'm still not sure whether or not I've had enough time to process everything and come to forgive her, even though I know it wasn't her fault."

McGee nodded. "How you feel is understandable," he said. "We're all on edge. At least allow yourself time to think straight and get some rest. You've been working non-stop. Take a break. Then maybe you can consider talking to Ziva and maybe apologizing for what you said or just forgive her and let the argument go."

"That's good advice, Tim," Abby said quietly.

McGee smiled. "You know how long it's been since you called me that?" he asked her.

"A long time," Abby said, nodding. "Do you think things will ever be the same?"

"All in good time, Abby, just like getting a match," McGee said, "all in good time. You can't rush grief and healing, just like you can't rush science."

"Hey," Abby said suddenly, "you're bleeding."

McGee looked down at his hands. "Nah, it's nothing, Abby, don't worry," he said. "I'll wrap them later. Telling Gibbs will be the problem. I'm just worried about you right now."

Abby nodded. He pulled her into another tight embrace. They both stood there for a long moment, mentally preparing for the long day of decisions they would all have to make. At least they all would be able to make the decisions together, as a team, more importantly, as a family.

* * *

"So this is the mahogany casket, one of our most popular sellers. This one is a beautiful oak..."

The funeral director droned on, and although he would never outwardly show it, Gibbs was having a hard time focusing. This man was talking like it was easy just to pick everything out. Gibbs knew he was paid to make it sound easy and simple, but it made no difference to him. His best agent, his son, was _dead_, for God's sake. It was irrelevant what color the lining was, he was dead.

He, Ducky, Abby and McGee went throughout the day, picking out flowers (lilacs), what color lining the casket would have (royal blue, Tony's favorite), and what he was going to wear. Ziva could not been found, nor could she be reached on her cell phone. They decided without her on one of his best-looking, most expensive Ermenegildo Zegna suits and black dress shoes. They wanted to send him off in both comfort and style.

Afterward, everyone met back at Gibbs' house, just to all be together and eat. Finally, Ziva arrived and helped with the cooking. No one questioned her about where she had been. She and Abby still were not speaking to each other. Dinner was mostly an awkward, sad, silent affair.

* * *

Tony's funeral that afternoon went by in a blur. Abby, Ziva, and the other attendees watched solemnly as the pallbearers, including Gibbs, McGee, Ducky, and a few of Tony's college friends carried the casket up to the altar, then returned to their seats. Before sitting down, Jimmy placed the American Pie coffee mug, Ducky the Mighty Mouse stapler, and Ziva the letter opener in the casket, to be buried with Tony. Abby also placed his IPod in his casket; she had kept the CDs from Gibbs the day before. Gibbs went up last and placed his knife, but kept Tony's as a remembrance.

Ziva's eyes were red-rimmed and bloodshot from crying. She stood close to the rest of the team, but still kept a slight distance of a few feet. Abby was sobbing uncontrollably, pressed close against McGee's chest, their arms wrapped tightly around each other. He stared long and hard at the casket. Gibbs' face was shining with tears shed for his late colleague, protégée, friend, and son. He had barely spoken all morning.

When it was time, Gibbs got up to deliver the eulogy. After allowing himself a few seconds of silence, he inhaled deeply, cleared his throat, and began to speak.

"People come into and go out of our lives for a reason," he began. "We may not know or know or understand why right away, we may never know. It's difficult when they leave our lives too soon, like Tony did. Tony didn't come from an ideal past, but if you didn't know him as well as some of us do, you couldn't tell. He tried his best not to let it affect how his life became, how he turned out to be. He was like an annoying, incorrigible big brother to some of us, like a son to some of us, and a friend to so many others. He kept us young with all his movie references, his goofy attitude, a lazy streak, and if I may say so, a certain disregard for the rules," Gibbs added, smiling and looking at the crowd.

A chuckle went around the room at this remark. Gibbs allowed himself a chuckle, then, choking back a sob that threatened to escape, went on.

"Though he was taken from us too soon, he left a handprint on our hearts— and an imprint on the backs of a few peoples' heads"— the team chuckled at this— "and really did make an impact on all our lives. His presence within the team and outside of N.C.I.S. life will be missed."

After Gibbs finished the eulogy, they all stood silently and listened to the pastor speak. When the pastor finished, the pallbearers carried the casket out to the hearse to the tune of "Smoke on the Water" by Deep Purple and a line of cars followed it to the cemetery, and the burial proceeded. Each attendee took a moment to walk up to the casket and lay his or her hand on it, pat it gently in acknowledgement, or gently run their fingers over its tan-colored smoothness. The attendees watched as Abby, supported by Gibbs and McGee, slowly walked up to the gravesite and placed 10 roses in front of the headstone, one from each member of the team, including Director Vance, and three from Gerald, Cassie Yates, and Doctor Brad Pitt, who also attended.

Abby placed her rose last, then crouched down next to the headstone. Tears streaming down her face, she kissed her fingers, then pressed them to the headstone and whispered softly.

"We love you. Bye, Tony."

* * *

_Reviews are encouraging to let me know what you guys thought. Thank you. If all goes well, I'll update again in a week. I'm still working on chapter 4, as it's a rather complicated chapter, but I'll do my best. Please understand if I don't post an update by exactly a week from now. Thank you.  
_

_Renthead07_


	4. Business As Usual Has Lost All Meaning

_All I'm going to say is I own the rule, but not its number, that will appear in this chapter. I am just hazarding a guess, as to which number it should be, taking into account that most of them have been confirmed, as to which numbers are which rules._

**Chapter 4— Business As Usual Has Lost All Meaning**

* * *

Later that night, several hours after the funeral and the dinner that followed, the team met at the bar to sit and talk and spend some time together. Though they were still not getting along and things were still tense, Ziva and Abby were being civil to each other. But the entire team wanted to get together for a few hours and pay tribute to Tony, share memories, and send him off properly.

Ducky noticed McGee was staring silently in the direction of the Fallen Agents wall. Until recently, Agent Langer had been the most recent ID badge put up. Tony's ID now joined him.

"You're awfully quiet for it being Happy Hour, Timothy," Ducky said. McGee seemed to come out of a daze, looked over at Ducky, then nodded wordlessly. "Anything you want to talk about?"

The silence lengthened for another few moments, then McGee glanced at Gibbs, who sat silently sipping his bourbon a couple stools down, before saying, "I'm not sure I can do this, Ducky."

"Do what?" Ducky asked, though he was fairly certain he knew the answer.

"Fill Tony's shoes," McGee said. "I always used to think I could do a better job than Tony. I mean, I'm smarter, I'm better at computers, and I don't goof off nearly as much. I've always taken myself much more seriously than he ever did. But now I'm afraid that I can't ever live up to the agent that he was."

"He was a very good agent," Ducky agreed, taking a sip from his McCallan. "One of the best I've seen in my many years. But you will be fine. Give yourself time."

McGee nodded and went back to staring at his Morgan and coke. "I just can imagine how hard it is hard to be Gibbs' Senior Field Agent. Tony really prided himself on it. I'm just nervous."

"The more you second-guess yourself, the harder it will be to adjust," Ducky said. "It will take time for us all to get past this and move on and resume normal life. Try not to dwell on it so much and just go with the flow and see where things go. I know Gibbs has confidence in you."

McGee nodded, glancing over at Gibbs again, knowing that even though Gibbs was not looking in their direction, the former Marine probably could hear him and was listening.

Ducky stood up and the team turned their attention on him. "Being here tonight, I feel it's fitting to propose a toast." Each nodded and he began, "To the best senior field agent this agency has seen in many years, may he watch over us and always have our six, even from above. To Tony."

"To Tony." The team raised their glasses in honor, then drank to Tony's memory. Then they spent the next few hours trading memories of Tony, making jokes, and spending time together, until eventually, the hour became late and they all left together to go their separate ways home.

* * *

Not long after leaving the bar, the Medical Examiner made an unannounced visit to Gibbs' house. He wasn't surprised when he easily entered the house; Gibbs still never locked his front door.

After the funeral, Ducky had gotten the feeling that Gibbs should not be allowed to be alone tonight, for his own good. So, following the send-off at the bar, he was going to make sure his confidante was doing alright and not at risk to himself.

Ducky took off his coat and hung it on a hook in the entryway, glancing around at the home interior. He couldn't see up into the kitchen or dining room, to see if Gibbs had eaten anything for dinner. He took an immediate left and went to the very place that felt almost instinctive: the basement.

The scene that met his eyes alarmed him. Gibbs, glassy-eyed from alcohol consumption, was semi-consciously, almost automatically, sanding a new boat frame.

"Jethro?"

Gibbs inhaled a weary breath and looked up at Ducky. "Hey, Duck."

"How much have you had to drink?" Ducky asked, taking the tools away from him. Gibbs didn't answer. "Jethro..." Ducky sighed and tried to reason with him. "This isn't going to bring him back. This is no way to send off our boy to meet his maker." Ducky pulled up a chair. "I am here if you need to talk."

"Thanks, Duck, but I'm good," Gibbs said evasively.

"Obviously not," Ducky disagreed. He noticed Tony's name painted on the side of the boat. "What are you planning on doing with this, once you finish it?"

"Awe, Duck, you ask me that every time," Gibbs groaned, rolling his eyes and turning away. Ducky didn't move. "What do you want me to say?"

"I think you need to get it all out, Jethro. Say what's all on your mind. You are a very private type of person, but even for you, sometimes bottling it all up is the worst thing you can do for yourself."

There was a long pause. Then Gibbs said, "I'm never gonna forgive myself, Duck."

"For what?" Ducky asked.

"For letting that happen to Tony," Gibbs said.

"Jethro, you _know _it was not your fault in any way, shape or form," Ducky said. "Don't warp the situation and make it something it's not. Ziva held the gun, not you— not that I am placing blame on her, because I don't consider her at fault, either. The bullet went through the suspect and hit Tony. The odds of that happening are astronomical. It was a freak accident."

"That's what I told her in the waiting room, before— before he..."

Gibbs couldn't finish the sentence. His throat closed up and he finally allowed two solitary tears to escape. He had once told the young son of a Marine to never be ashamed of tears. And in front of his friend, he wasn't.

"I know I have told you before that I prefer to deal with death on my own, being exposed to it so often in my daily life. But that doesn't mean you can't allow yourself to grieve, whether privately or with company. You won't feel this bad forever, Jethro. It'll take time, but it will get better, for all of us."

Gibbs nodded. "I hope so, Duck. I hate training new agents."

"You won't have to," Ducky said. "You know Timothy will fill Tony's shoes to the best of his ability. And you know Ziva, well, she has seniority in her own right."

"It won't be the same. It'll never be."

"Give him a chance."

Gibbs nodded again. "I will."

"Good," Ducky said. Now," he added, going over to a still-partially-full decanter of bourbon and pouring a shot for Gibbs and himself. "Now, despite that you've had plenty enough already, here." Gibbs accepted the shot from him. "To Tony."

"To Tony," Gibbs echoed, touching his glass lightly against Ducky's.

"I hope you don't mind me staying the night to look after you. I think you need it," Ducky said.

"Doesn't sound like I have a choice, Duck," Gibbs said reluctantly. "Take the guest bedroom."

Ducky nodded and proceeded to talk through the night with his confidante.

* * *

On Monday following the funeral, all but Ziva showed up for work on time, like normal. When 0900 rolled around, McGee, who had become increasingly worried, called both her apartment and cell phones, and when he got no answer on either, started an unauthorized trace on Ziva's cell phone. Ziva was never late. McGee worried that something was wrong.

When the trace came back with nothing, he figured the cause was one of three reasons: either Ziva's cell phone was turned off, she had disabled her GPS chip, or she was somewhere GPS signal was blocked. He guessed she had it turned off and was avoiding contact with everyone. Ziva couldn't be found when she didn't want to be.

McGee decided he'd wait another couple hours and see if she came in to work, and if not, he would resume the trace and see if anything resulted from it. He wasn't sure what he would do if a second tracing attempt came back with nothing, but he would cross that bridge when he came to it.

McGee closed out the trace results and sat back in his chair and closed his eyes for a moment, thinking. Resuming normal life following Tony's death was not proving to be an easy task for the team. They had never thought their senior field agent would be taken from them prematurely, and so suddenly, too. Everything was completely different without him.

Gibbs entered the bullpen, cup of Hot Fresh Coffee in hand, as usual, and walked over to McGee's desk.

"Hey, Boss," McGee said conversationally.

"Hey, Tim," Gibbs said quietly. "Ziva hasn't shown up yet?"

"Nope, which is totally unlike her. I called her apartment and her cell and got no answer. So I traced her cell, but it came up with nothing. Means her phone is turned off or she's disabled her GPS chip or she's somewhere GPS signal is blocked." Gibbs gave him a look. "The trace won't work until it is back on or reactivated or unblocked," McGee said. He didn't voice how strange it was to hear Gibbs call him 'Tim'. "But as Ziva's never late, I figured I'd give it a try."

Gibbs nodded. "You're a good man, Tim," he said, before taking a swig from his coffee cup.

"Thanks, Boss," McGee said. "You are, too. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself."

Gibbs nodded, placing a consoling hand on his new senior field agent's shoulder. McGee smiled half-heartedly in appreciation.

"Tim," Gibbs said, "what happened to your hands?"

McGee blushed and looked down at his hands, wrapped in gauze pads and Ace bandages.

"I, um, I was at Abby's the day of the funeral, and... well, I got angry..." McGee explained. "But, uh, I had a moment of... weakness. I slammed my hands into the wall pretty hard and broke the skin and sprained them. Abby wrapped them for me, but, uh, they're gonna take a couple weeks to heal, she thinks... She's pretty good at that stuff, you know."

"Yeah," Gibbs agreed. "They hurt?" McGee nodded hesitantly. "You should take some time off."

McGee's head snapped up. "Boss?" he asked, unsure if he had heard correctly.

"It wasn't a request, McGee." His voice wasn't quite as gruff as usual.

McGee nodded. "Understood," he said. "Sorry, Boss. I guess I'm turning more into Tony than I thought."

Gibbs nodded, understanding. "It's OK, Tim."

McGee nodded again. "How are you doing, Boss?" he asked. "You haven't said much."

Gibbs shrugged. "I've been worse."

McGee nodded and looked away awkwardly.

"Boss, I was wondering," McGee began. Gibbs looked at him over his coffee cup. "Can we maybe go check Ziva's apartment? I'm not sure if I should be worried or not. I'm a little nervous she may do something drastic."

Gibbs nodded. "Do it. I'll come with you."

McGee nodded. The two men stood up, holstered their guns and badges, just in case, and left the strangely empty, quiet bullpen together.

* * *

Ten minutes later, they arrived at Ziva's apartment. Her car was parked on the street. Her apartment window was dark. They entered the complex and went upstairs to her apartment. Drawing their guns, they knocked on the door, then waited several seconds for her to answer. When she did not, they knocked again.

"Ziva, it's McGee," McGee called. "If you're in there, please open up and let's talk."

They waited, but several seconds later, there was still no answer.

"Do we go in, Boss?" McGee asked, preparing to kick in the door.

To McGee's surprise, Gibbs holstered his gun.

"Boss?" McGee asked, confused.

"Even if she is home, she clearly doesn't want to be bothered," Gibbs said. "Let's leave her be. Go back to headquarters, gather your stuff and go home, Tim. Take the day off."

McGee nodded. "Sure, Boss."

Gibbs nodded. They both holstered their guns, then went back to headquarters, packed up their things and left.

* * *

The next day, Ziva showed up for work at 0700, like nothing unusual had happened the day before. She looked terrible. Her eyes were red-rimmed from crying, her makeup was completely ruined and run down her face, and her hair was unwashed, tangled, and barely contained in a ponytail holder.

"Morning," McGee said casually to her, sipping his coffee.

"Morning," Ziva said.

"How's your tea?" McGee asked awkwardly.

"Excellent. And your coffee?" Ziva asked evasively.

"Good. Good coffee," McGee said, taking another sip. After another uncomfortably long pause, he said, "Ziva." Ziva looked up at him and he hesitated. "I... I'm here if you need to talk."

"Thank you, McGee," Ziva said, nodding, "but I am fine. And it is not fair to you to be so concerned about all of us, but not yourself."

McGee nodded. "You miss him, don't you?" he asked.

"McGee," Ziva said, holding up a warning finger, "stop pushing."

McGee opened his mouth, changed his mind, then closed it again. The silence between the two coworkers was unnerving. McGee fidgeted nervously, then Gibbs entered the bullpen.

"Ziva, conference room."

McGee watched curiously as Ziva got up and followed Gibbs to the elevator. After the doors closed, Gibbs flipped the emergency switch and shut it down, then turned to face her.

"Anything you want to talk about?" he asked quietly.

"No."

"That was a quick answer."

"Simple question," Ziva said rigidly.

"Ziva, you know rule number 7—"

"Always be specific when you lie," Ziva answered.

Gibbs nodded. "I know you and Abby had a fight," Gibbs began.

"Of course you do," Ziva said.

"Then you were distant at the funeral."

"We were _all _distant at the funeral, Gibbs," Ziva pointed out. She forced herself not to roll her eyes; of course Gibbs knew about the fight she and Abby had had. Just like she had told Ducky, Gibbs always knew or found out, one way or another.

"And then you didn't show up for work yesterday," Gibbs said suspiciously. "McGee called, but got no answer at your apartment or on your cell. He traced your cell and came up with nothing. Rule number three: never be unreachable. I know you won't be found when you don't want to be, Ziva, but if there's something going on, I need to know."

There was a very long pause, then Ziva said, "I am debating resigning." Gibbs said nothing, his expression indicating that she should go on. "I am no longer comfortable working for N.C.I.S., after what happened. I know it was an accident, but still, I held the gun. I will never forgive myself for what happened to Tony. I feel like I don't belong here anymore, Gibbs."

Gibbs paused for a long moment, then said, "Well... I won't deny that I think that'd be one of the worst mistakes you'd ever make. Rule number 49: Once is a mistake, twice is stupidity. The team _needs_ you, Ziva."

"The team needed Tony, too, Gibbs, and look where we are now," Ziva said.

"There won't _be _a team if you leave, Ziva," Gibbs pointed out.

"You are only saying that because you hate training new agents," Ziva said. "It was once just you and Tony. You and McGee will do fine."

"May I remind you, _you _were a new agent at one time, not too long ago? You came to us from Mossad with your own specialties and skills, yes, but I still had to teach you some things— mainly my rules," Gibbs said. "All I can do is to tell you that you are a very important asset to this team. It won't be the same without you, _especially _after losing Tony. This isn't easy for any of us and it will be even more difficult if you leave. So I hope you stay. Take some time off, as much time as you need to, and talk to a psychologist and work on moving forward, but do come back to us eventually."

Ziva nodded. "You will have your answer by end of business tomorrow," she said.

"Alright," Gibbs said, then he flipped the emergency switch back on.

* * *

The apartment was quiet, later that night, as Ziva packed as much as she could fit into her suitcase and a carry-on bag, in order to catch a flight in the early morning hours. It wasn't much, but she didn't know how long she was going to be gone, or if she was ever coming back. She could buy whatever else she needed once she got to Israel. She was exhausted, but figured she could sleep on the plane. She had called Gibbs a few hours ago and told him of her decision. As she folded her socks and undergarments, the conversation replayed in her mind. Gibbs had asked if he could accompany her, but she had declined; this was something she wanted to do alone.

A small, bittersweet smile briefly crossed her face, as she remembered the last thing he had said to her.

_"__Take care of yourself. I'm here if you need me."_

She appreciated the statement; it told her he still cared.

Finally, at about two a.m., Ziva got ready for bed. She would be up in three hours' time to finish packing before she left to arrive at the airport early. Ziva zipped her suitcase closed, then changed into her pajamas and, after making sure her gun rested safely under her pillow, fell asleep. She roused three hours later, finished packing, then caught a cab to the airport.

* * *

_As always, please review to tell me what you thought. Thanks. I'll do my best to update again in a week, barring being busy and ever-possible writer's block. You guys have been patient with me so far. Thank you. Especially thanks to my **WONDERFUL **beta, tiffaroolou, for helping me out with some things within the chapter. I owe you. This chapter is for you. :)_

_Renthead07_


	5. Where to Go From Here

_Thank you to new reviewers, olympianchief213 and STLFAN, for the feedback. New reviewers always rock my world! I read your profile and I can't believe you don't like McGee or Ziva! Really? I am McGee through and through, at least in personality, and for a while, even in build. Haha._

_Thank you to all my awesome reviewers. Also thank you to all who have put this story on alert, even if you don't review— though I wish you would! ;) Luzma, I enjoy your Spanish reviews a lot. I have fun translating them. Of course you're welcome to continue them in Spanish, if you're more comfortable with that, but I still might have to ask you for a translation now and then, if Google doesn't assist me, if that's OK? ;)_

_Here is chapter 5. Much happier than previous chapters. A trip to Tel Aviv, Israel would have made it so much easier to write, but I will probably never be able to afford such a trip. :/ And it all worked out, as it were. Oh, and one last thing... again, I will state I don't own any Truth or Consequences quotes or references to. Don't sue me, CBS! Haha. Enjoy._

**Chapter 5****— Where to Go From Here  
**

* * *

"Gear up."

The next day, McGee looked up, as Gibbs walked into the bullpen, Hot Fresh Coffee in hand.

"Kidnapping of a Georgetown University student. LEOs' hands are tied," Gibbs said.

"It's our jurisdiction?" McGee asked, grabbing his backpack, pocketing his badge, and holstering his gun.

"The college student had been having an affair with the husband of a third-class Naval Petty Officer, while the wife was stationed in the Persian Gulf. The wife just returned on a two-week leave and found out and is now holding her hostage for ransom," Gibbs said. "So yeah, McGee, I'd say it's our jurisdiction."

McGee nodded and quickly called in an AMBER Alert before joining Gibbs at the elevator. They didn't say much on the way down to the parking garage.

"What's on your mind, Tim?" Gibbs asked, noticing his agent's silence.

"Well, Boss, uh, I was just thinking... What was it like when it was just you and Tony for a while, before Kate and I joined the team, then later Ziva?"

Gibbs looked distant for a moment, as he reminisced, then he said, "Well, Tim, it was kinda like this."

McGee swallowed hard, then nodded and retreated back into awkward silence.

* * *

Ten minutes later, they arrived at the young woman's parents' house. Gibbs rang the doorbell, then the girl's mother answered.

"N.C.I.S.," Gibbs said, flashing his badge, "Special Agents Gibbs, McGee. We'd like to ask you a few questions about your daughter, Mrs. Watson."

"Of course," said Mrs. Watson, opening the door. "Please come in. I've been expecting you."

Gibbs and McGee followed her into the family room, where her husband was sitting in a reclining chair, reading the newspaper. He put it aside upon seeing the agents enter the room. Gibbs and McGee identified themselves and flashed their badges again.

"Can you tell us anything about your daughter's relationship with Mr. Dawson?" Gibbs asked Mrs. Watson.

Mrs. Watson nodded. "She worked with him for a summer and developed feelings for him. She told us she had a crush on him, but didn't say anything after that."

"Nothing at all?" Gibbs asked.

"No, nothing," Mrs. Watson answered, shaking her head. "She would tell us a work story now, but it all sounded like normal workday stories. They text-messaged back and forth a little, but never enough for us to question why; she said it was work-related."

"Do you think she was telling the truth?" McGee asked.

"Until the occasional texts continued into the school year, yes," Mrs. Watson said. "She told me at the beginning of the summer that she liked him, but she didn't make a big deal out of it, so neither of us asked her more about it." Gibbs nodded, waiting for her to go on. "If she was meeting him at places, we had no idea. She never mentioned it at all."

Gibbs nodded. "Does she have a cell phone?" he asked.

"Yes," Mrs. Watson said, and she gave Gibbs the number.

Gibbs quickly dialed Abby. "Abbs, trace this cell phone number and pull the records and call me back as soon as you get something. Or nothing, if nothing means something." Gibbs gave her the number, then hung up. "She'll be able to tell us if your daughter's cell phone location is found or not. Tell me about the ransom call."

"It was a robotic voice, the wife's, I think," Mrs. Watson went on. "But they were using a program to modify the voice, so I couldn't tell. If it is her, she said my daughter's done a terrible thing and I could use my imagination about what she'd do to her, if she didn't get the money."

"How much?"

"She said she'd call back with further instructions. I'm a librarian and my husband's a columnist, Agent Gibbs. We do fine, but we aren't wealthy."

"N.C.I.S. will take care of the money, Mrs. Watson, don't worry."

"Please, Agent Gibbs, don't tell me not to worry," Mrs. Watson said, more firmly. "My daughter has been kidnapped for a ransom. Of course I'm worried."

Gibbs nodded. "I understand."

"They told me they'd call back in half an hour. That was twenty-nine minutes"— her voice cut off as her cell phone rang— "ago."

"Put it on speaker, Mrs. Watson. We only need a minute for my tech to trace the call. We'll tell you what to say."

Mrs. Watson, hands shaking, flipped open the cell phone and answered the call, putting it on speaker.

"Yes?"

"Mr. and Mrs. Watson, you are to provide two million dollars by sunset, non-sequential bills. Split it into two bags."

Mrs. Watson glanced up at Gibbs, who nodded. "We can do that," she said.

"You'd better, or your precious daughter will pay the price for both your mistakes. I'll call back in a few hours and arrange a drop-off situation."

"Very— very well," Mrs. Watson stuttered, fear evident in her voice.

Then they heard a click and the line went dead.

Mrs. Watson promptly broke down into tears. "We went to the police, but they said there was nothing they could do; it's only been a day. I knew something was wrong, though. Lucy always checks in with us, whether or not she needs to. She's an adult, she can do what she wants when she wants, but she says she likes checking in with us, that it's a habit. She always has her cell phone on, except to sleep. It's been going straight to voicemail every time I've called."

"We've got an AMBER Alert out. We'll find your daughter, Mrs. Watson," Gibbs assured the terrified mother.

Mrs. Watson nodded. "I believe you, Agent Gibbs."

* * *

Later, the voice had called back to arrange a drop-off situation. The kidnapper had allowed Lucy to speak briefly with her mother, as a gesture of good faith.

McGee looked up, as Gibbs stood up and made to leave. "Boss, where are we going?"

"To get the money, McGee."

Abby called while Gibbs was signing off on the withdrawal.

"Gibbs, our kidnapper is the wife, third-class petty officer Beckie Dawson. I worked with the most recent ransom call and matched her voice."

"Thanks, Abbs."

"Gibbs, when do you think Ziva will come back?"

"I don't know, Abbs. Now's not the time to discuss it."

"I've tried contacting her several different ways, but she's completely unreachable. We need her, Gibbs. Everything is different without her. It's all wrong," Abby said, ignoring what he had just said.

"I know, Abbs. But whether or not we do have her, I need you to focus on what you can do for me now."

"We should go get her, Gibbs."

"Abbs!"

"Sorry. Focus. Case. They're holding her at Maintenance Tunnel Number 78, beneath the Smithsonian."

As soon as Abby finished giving him directions on how to get there, Gibbs hung up and his cell phone rang a moment later.

"Yeah, Gibbs."

"Do you have it?"

"Yeah, I got it. On my way."

Gibbs flipped his cell phone shut, threw the bag into the trunk, and drove away.

* * *

Soon after the phone call from Abby, Gibbs pulled into the parking lot at the Smithsonian. Slowly, he made his way to the tunnel entrance, signaling to McGee to stay far enough behind to be out of sight, but close enough to back him up if there was any trouble. He crept down the last few steps and started into the tunnel. He turned to the first door on the right, and after checking to make sure McGee was hidden, he walked inside, leaving the door open.

Beckie, as well as two accomplices, was waiting for him. He walked over with the bag of money slung over his shoulder. He tossed it to them and one of the accomplices checked him for weapons, while the second accomplice checked the tunnel, in case Gibbs had been followed or had backup.

"He's clean," said the first accomplice to Beckie.

A second later, a thud came from the tunnel and caught Beckie's attention. She froze for a moment, waiting, then, when nothing happened, she said, "He kept his word. Go get her."

The first accomplice got Lucy out of the trunk.

"You OK?" Gibbs asked her.

Lucy nodded. "I'm so sorry."

Gibbs looked at Beckie. "You get the money, I get Lucy."

"I said to bring two bags!" Beckie said angrily. In retaliation, she yanked Lucy's head back by her ponytail. Lucy cried out in pain.

"Other bag is at N.C.I.S. headquarters, in evidence," said Gibbs, the lie issuing easily from his lips.

"Well, then you'd better go back to N.C.I.S. and get it," Beckie said, through gritted teeth.

The next few seconds were a blur. In a swift motion, Lucy stamped, hard, on Beckie's instep, then elbowed her, just as hard, on the nose. Beckie let go of her with a howl of pain and Lucy ran toward Gibbs, who grabbed her and made to half-drag her through the tunnel and out to safety.

But he never had a chance to set down one foot.

Suddenly, two gunshots rang out from behind Gibbs. A moment later, the two henchmen fell to the floor and moved no more.

Then Gibbs saw McGee come running through the door, breathing hard, gun drawn, and he quickly advanced toward Beckie and handcuffed her, while reciting her Miranda Rights. Once she was handcuffed, McGee looked at Gibbs. Silently, Gibbs moved toward him, eyes narrowed. Only when he was inches from McGee's face, did his expression soften slightly and he nodded, then he smiled.

"_That_... was a good job, McGee."

After a long moment, McGee's face broke into a wide smile.

"Thanks, Boss."

Gibbs nodded at Lucy. "Let's get her home."

McGee nodded and he went to the car with Lucy, followed closely by Gibbs and Beckie.

Upon arriving back to N.C.I.S., Gibbs took Beckie down to the holding cells and McGee accompanied Lucy up to the squad room. McGee smiled as he watched Lucy reunite happily with her parents. He imagined what Tony would say to him about the taking down of Beckie and her accomplices, if Tony was here now.

_"Wow, Probie! Taking down two thugs, then making the arrest all by yourself? Even with the big Bossman present? That's big for you. Our little McProbie is growing up. Maybe you will fit into your big senior field agent shoes after all. I'm proud of you, kid."_

A bittersweet smile came over McGee's face and shook his head, as the scene he imagined ended. He could only hope that, eventually, he, Gibbs, Abby, Ziva, Ducky and Jimmy would soon be standing in the family's place.

* * *

A week later, McGee approached Gibbs at his desk. Abby had just brought him back some results from the lab. Ducky and Palmer were behind her, having just brought up the results of their most recent autopsy. The three of them were standing silently, waiting to see what McGee would say.

"Boss?" McGee asked.

Gibbs looked up from his paperwork. Ziva's formal letter of resignation lay amongst the papers.

"I've been meaning to ask, I think we should, you know... go get Ziva," McGee said hesitantly.

Gibbs nodded, but said nothing.

Straightening up, McGee said, a little firmer, "If you're not going to fill the empty chair, we can't just sit here and do nothing. We have an obligation to a member of our team, one of our own who needs us now. Before one more person dies. Tony's first rule was to never stand on the sidelines while his people were in trouble. Well, what if Ziva is in trouble? Even if she's not, she may protest, maybe we'll even have to drag her back hog-tied. But one way or another, we need to convince Ziva to come back."

"You can't just fly over to Israel and walk into Mossad and demand that we want her back, McGee," Gibbs said. "We need to get Vance's approval and do this under Eli David's radar."

"I know, Boss. Does it help that I know she's there?" McGee asked.

Gibbs gave him a curious look. "It might."

"For one thing, I've been tracking her credit card ever since she left. She's been charging things on it from places that are established in Tel Aviv, including a hotel room. Unless someone else is using her credit card, which I find highly unlikely, she's gotta be there. That's my intel. Our proof that we need that she's there at all."

After a moment, Gibbs said, "Make your case."

Wide smiles broke over McGee, Abby, Ducky, and Palmer's faces.

"Yes, Boss," McGee said eagerly, then he returned to his desk.

* * *

24 hours later, the C-130 aircraft, courtesy of SecNav, landed in Tel Aviv. Gibbs and McGee took a cab to the hotel where Ziva had checked into.

"Room 242, Boss," McGee said.

Drawing their guns, Gibbs and McGee climbed the stairs to the second floor. They cleared the hallway for visuals before walking toward room 242. Gibbs knocked on the door, while McGee watched his six.

A few seconds later, the door slowly opened.

McGee disregarded keeping watch of the hallway and turned to face the now-open door.

"Gibbs, McGee," she asked. "What are you both doing here?"

* * *

_Ooh, cliffhanger! Dun dun dun. I think the end of this chapter was one of my favorites so far to write. I had to show McGee eventually coming into his own, in Tony's stead. And, naturally, the maintenance tunnel beneath the Smithsonian Institute is made up by myself, or so I think, anyway, lol. XD Stay with me, guys. You won't be disappointed. (See, BnBfanatic, I told you it would get better.) :) Chapter 6 is looking like it's going to a.) be the final chapter, and b.) give me trouble, because it has to be very well done, in my opinion. :/ It's interesting that this chapter came so easily to me, considering how difficult of a time I usually have coming up with cases to write about. Please review to tell me what you thought. I'll update as soon as I can, hopefully within a week. :)_

_Renthead07_


	6. Reunion

_First of all, to asdf: I'm sorry you don't like the story. Actually, no, I'm not. I can't help you if you don't like it. If you don't like it, please don't continue to flame me. It's disheartening and rude. You are not being forced to read, so please don't review if you're not going to be constructive about it. In my opinion, people who leave anonymous reviews are just too chicken to login and give authors a chance to retaliate, especially if their anonymous username is simply the first four letters of the middle row of the Qwerty keyboard. You _must _have more imagination than that! __Did you feel this way when Tony was away as Agent Afloat? How about when Kate died? Was the team dull and boring to you then? If so, did you lash out at CBS, too? Please, go waste someone else's time and efforts... Of course I would never want Tony killed off for real on the show, but this is fan fiction, there's a difference. It's called creative licensing... Not even sure why I'm chewing you out, considering you said you probably won't continue reading, so you may not even see this anyway... As a result, just to give the rest of you a heads-up, I've disabled anonymous reviews. So you'll have to login in order to be able to leave a review (Luzma, I hope you can; your feedback so far has been wonderful.)_

_OK... *Takes a breath* Now, to those who have been following me faithfully up to this point and leaving wonderful feedback: thank you all. I really appreciate it. (Luzma, sorry, but I had a hard time translating your previous review. Would you mind translating it for me?) I apologize for the delay in getting this chapter posted up. But it was complicated and took a while to get just right, plus I have been pretty sick with a nasty cold all week and just couldn't bear to really look at my laptop screen, as until today, doing so made my head pound. Believe me, I tried. I hope you guys think it has been worth the wait. :) Here's chapter 6, which I actually decided to be the second-to-last chapter._

_**Chapter 6— Reunion**_

* * *

Gibbs looked down at his former agent, who looked rather worse for wear. Serious steely blue eyes met weary chocolate brown.

"It alright if we come in and talk?" he asked.

"I thought we already talked?" Ziva responded.

"Can we just come in and talk for... a second?" Gibbs asked, looking at her in frustration.

Ziva sighed, then, after a moment, nodded. She let them in and McGee joined her on her hotel bed. Gibbs went over to the computer desk and sat in the chair.

"What do you want?" Ziva asked, getting immediately defensive.

"What are you doing here, Ziva?" Gibbs asked firmly.

"What do you mean?" Ziva countered.

"I mean, what the _hell _are you doing here, Ziva?" Gibbs growled, taking care to keep his voice level all the while. "Why would you leave like that?"

"I needed some time away to grieve and be alone, Gibbs. We already discussed this. Unless you insist on running in circles with me again, I have nothing more to say about it. Why are you here?" Ziva asked.

"'Time away' doesn't have to mean going halfway around the world," Gibbs pressed on angrily, ignoring her previous question.

"Gibbs, I think you are choosing to ignore how I am truly feeling. Everything there reminds me of Tony, which in turn reminds me of what happened. What I did to him. I'm not sure I can ever return and be comfortable working for N.C.I.S. or even within D.C., ever again," Ziva said.

"Tony wouldn't have wanted you to leave, Ziva," McGee chimed in. "You know he wouldn't have."

Ziva hesitated, then sighed deeply. "What do you want me to do?" she asked, looking between the two of them.

McGee looked at Gibbs, as though asking his permission, before saying, "We want you to come back."

"Why?" Ziva asked, looking up at them through exhausted eyes.

"Why the hell do you think, Ziva?" Gibbs demanded, still exerting ample self-control, in that he hadn't yet raised his voice. "You belong at N.C.I.S.! We're your team! We're your family!" His gaze softened and his gruffness all but disappeared, out of utter concern for his agent. "Let us help you, Ziva."

"How?" Ziva asked, looking at Gibbs with utter desperation. She felt she had truly hit rock bottom after Tony had died. She felt like she was drowning and she had no idea how to surface.

"Come home with us," Gibbs said. He was all but pleading with her. "Please."

After a long silence, Ziva sighed again, then nodded. "Alright."

While they helped her pack, it was difficult for Gibbs and McGee to contain their exhilaration that she had been convinced to return to D.C. They accompanied her to the airport, taking care to stay as close as they could, so they wouldn't lose her again. As the C-130 aircraft took off into the air, they could only imagine the scene that would unfold once they returned to the Navy Yard in less than a day's time.

* * *

_24 hours later..._

"ZIVA!"

Ziva barely braced herself in time before a flurry of black pigtails preceded Abby's body ramming into her. She staggered, but managed to regain her balance. Weak, not having eaten hardly anything in a few days and with a throbbing headache and stiff muscles, she barely returned the hug.

"Abby."

Abby released her and slowly looked her over. "I'm so glad you're home," Abby said earnestly. "Things haven't been the same without you." She hesitated before continuing, "About what I said before..."

"It was justified, Abby," Ziva said wearily.

"I'm sorry," Abby said sincerely. "I know one of Gibbs rules is to never apologize, but it's not a sign of weakness or against the rules to apologize to friends or family. I was out of line. I hope you can forgive me?"

Ziva nodded appreciatively, but the gesture made her head spin. It was becoming more and more difficult to stand. She staggered again and Abby steadied her. But she could not hold her for long, as Ziva's world continued to darken around her, then she passed out completely.

"Gibbs, I can't hold her!" Abby cried.

Gibbs helped Abby support Ziva, then he lifted her up completely and rushed over to the elevator. Abby and McGee followed close behind, as Gibbs took Ziva down to Autopsy to be examined.

Ducky and Palmer sprang into action the moment the Autopsy doors hissed open and Abby, McGee, and Gibbs carrying an unconscious Ziva came through the doors.

"Put her on the table," Ducky said. Gibbs gently placed Ziva on the Autopsy table, after Palmer had laid a sheet over it. Ducky quickly examined her, checking her vitals. Her blood pressure was dangerously low and she was running a high fever. "104.3. Her heart's racing. We need to get her to Bethesda immediately. The most likely cause of the high fever and her racing heart is an infection. She may have contracted it in Israel. I don't have the medical advances to further diagnose or treat that here in Autopsy."

"Thanks, Duck," Gibbs said. "Call ahead to Bethesda."

Ducky nodded, then he and Palmer watched worriedly as the team hurried out of Autopsy and up to the garage.

* * *

The gas pedal did not part from the floor the entire time Gibbs drove to the hospital. Upon arriving to the E.R., Ziva still had not regained consciousness. Upon arriving to Bethesda, she was immediately admitted and an I.V. line of fluids placed into her arm. They started her on broad-spectrum antibiotics. The medical staff also wrapped her in cooling blankets. Anything to bring her fever down.

There was nothing the team could do but sit and wait. Just like before, with Tony. Gibbs had never been a man of true faith, but he prayed as hard as he could that they would not lose another member of their team.

Twenty minutes later, a doctor came out to speak with them. "Are you all here for Miss David?" he asked.

"_David_," they all said in unison. The team knew how much Ziva hated having her last name mispronounced.

"My apologies," said the doctor. "I'm Doctor Kincaid. I'm the doctor on call treating your agent. Miss David was brought in with a 104.3 fever."

"What's wrong with her?" Abby demanded.

"Well, with the high fever and the other symptoms, it looks like it is spinal meningitis," Doctor Kincaid said.

"Will she be alright?" McGee asked.

"We're doing everything we can right now," Doctor Kincaid said.

McGee noticed Abby bristle beside him at this statement. He knew she hated it when doctors said that; it wasn't positive enough for her. He placed a consoling hand on hers and she relaxed slightly at his touch.

"But I will be honest with you, with anyone, with a fever this high, there's a possibility of her seizing. And if she does, despite our best efforts, there's a possibility of brain damage. We're giving her fluids, since we cannot hydrate her orally. The main treatment is broad-spectrum antibiotics. The survival rate is about 25 percent," Doctor Kincaid explained.

"Oh, my God!" Abby cried, burying her face in McGee's chest.

"We'll do everything we can, I promise. I should get back in there. I'll send a nurse out when we have more news," Doctor Kincaid said.

"Thank you, Doctor," Gibbs said.

* * *

Ziva's fever continued to rage on for three days. She lingered, drifting in and out of vague consciousness. Many times, she cried out for Gibbs and McGee; even Tony, as if he were still alive. There were moments the team hoped her cries were her coming back to them, only to realize it was all delusion.

Suddenly, on day four, Ziva's condition took a turn for the worst. Her fever spiked again and monitors suddenly started to blare, as she began to convulse.

The team watched in horror as various doctors and nurses rushed into the room and turned Ziva onto her side, so she wouldn't aspirate.

"Why is this happening?" Abby cried, as they were ushered out of the room by a nurse. "We just got her back. We can't lose her, Gibbs. We can't lose her, too."

Gibbs didn't protest as Abby rushed over to him and engulfed him in a hug. "I know, Abbs. I know. She'll be OK."

It seemed like the doctors and nurses worked forever, before the seizure finally stopped and Doctor Kincaid came out again and notified them that Ziva's condition had stabilized. About an hour or so later, he came to give them another update.

"Her fever has not yet broken, but it hasn't gotten any higher since the end of the seizure, which may be an indication the antibiotics are beginning to take effect," he said. "We're going to continue giving her I.V. fluids and Paracetamol, a strong antibiotic, in an attempt to break the fever and get it down further. But she is still currently unconscious. Now, while this isn't uncommon for seizure victims, we won't know if she has any brain damage until she regains consciousness. I expect her to slip in and out of consciousness for the next several hours."

The team nodded numbly. They could hardly believe they were going through this again.

"But her fever's not getting worse," McGee said. "That's progress."

"It is, indeed, Agent McGee," Doctor Kincaid said. "I always have faith. In this case, I would take her fever not worsening as a sign the antibiotic is working, but it's still too soon to tell. Oh, and I'm sorry, but I can only allow just one of you to spend the night with her tonight."

Abby and McGee turned and looked at Gibbs, who nodded.

"I'll stay with her tonight," he said to the doctor.

"Very well," Doctor Kincaid said. "I'll have the nurses set up a roll-away bed for you."

"Thank you, Doctor," Gibbs said. To Abby and McGee, he added, "You two, go home. You can't do anything more here tonight. I'll call Ducky and give him an update. I'll stay with her," Gibbs said.

"Gibbs, you stayed with her before. _You _need rest, too. You can't subsist simply on coffee. We're not going anywhere," Abby protested immediately.

"Abbs, you can't do anything more here. Go home, get some sleep, that's an order," Gibbs demanded.

"Gibbs is right, Abby," McGee chimed in. "Let him watch Ziva again, if he wants. We won't do any good sitting around, exhausted, doing nothing. Let's go back to your place and try to get some sleep."

Abby locked her gaze on Gibbs for a moment, hoping to persuade him otherwise, but gave in when Gibbs did not waiver. She forced Gibbs to accept a hug, then slowly left with McGee.

After they were well out of earshot, Gibbs pulled out his cell phone, stepped outside Ziva's room, and called Ducky to update him.

"Hey, Duck."

"Jethro. Any update?"

"She seems to be going from bad to worse at the moment. She had a seizure a while ago from her fever."

"Oh dear," Ducky said, sighing. "That is no good."

"They've still got her on broad-spectrum antibiotics, to try and bring the fever down. Since the seizure, it hasn't spiked again."

"Well, that's progress."

"She still hasn't woken up."

"Well, you know you operated on your own schedule when you were in the coma a few years ago. Perhaps so does she?"

"Duck," Gibbs asked, as much as he didn't want to, "how serious is this, really?"

"Well, it's a bit complicated. There's nothing we can do but wait until she wakes, in order for doctors to determine if there has been any brain damage, by performing reflex and motion tests, to begin with," Ducky said. "The best part at this point is that her fever hasn't spiked again. Another seizure would set her back even further, no matter the severity."

Gibbs nodded, though of course he knew Ducky couldn't see. "Thanks, Duck," he said, before hanging up. A moment later, he stepped back into the room and pulled a chair up next to Ziva's bed. "Oh, Ziver. We were so close. You were home. You were safe. You _are _safe. Come back to us, Ziver. We need you."

Gibbs sighed, then leaned back and clasped his hands together behind his head, then closed his eyes and lost himself in his thoughts.

* * *

_OK, OK, so I couldn't resist another cliffhanger. *Waits for virtual head-slaps* But after spending at least two days looking at all I'd written for this prospective chapter and reworking some parts, it made more sense to leave it off here and have the next chapter be the last (I promise, lol.)_

_As always, please review! Thanks. :)_

_Renthead07_


	7. Faith and Forgiveness

_Does anybody know what song is playing during the first Abby lab scene during "SWAK," when she told the mail boy (for lack of better description) that "he was sweet too," when he said her music "was sweet?" I tried to figure it out through ITunes previews, but had no luck. :/ Just wondering. :)_

_Thank you to new reviewers drheart04 and PlushItBunny. I'm glad you're enjoying the story. Thank you to all who have reviewed so far. And thank you to all those who have put this story on alert, despite that you don't review— though I wish you would! :) I really appreciate it. (Luzma, I'm sorry if you haven't been able to review since I had to disable anonymous reviews; I hope you can review somehow. If not, go ahead and PM or email me or something.) Oh, and thank you to daxam1216 for helping me out a bit with the Jewish view of the afterlife. It turned out to be irrelevant, but I appreciate the help nevertheless. :)  
_

_I don't own quotes borrowed from or references to Kill Ari, Part 2 or Silver War. Don't think I need to disclaim any other episodes, none come to mind from reading over this chapter. I also have to give credit to the fan fic, Tali's Death, which inspired the flashback of Tali's death within this chapter. I did my best to clarify where all flashbacks begin and end._

_Here's chapter 7, the epilogue. Warning: traumatic memories included._

**Chapter 7— Faith and Forgiveness**

* * *

Ziva was.

She just... was.

Ziva could hear gentle music that she recognized as Debussy's "Prelude to the Afternoon of a Faun." Memories flitted in and out of her vision, some lasting only seconds, others lasting longer.

_Some would say it had been fate. Whether it was or not was irrelevant to Ziva._

_After an argument with her father, Tali had left her father's office in an angry huff. After an equally heated exchange with Ziva, who defended her sister, Eli David had sent two guards after her, but even they had lost her among the streets in seconds. Tali knew the Tel Aviv streets as well as anyone. She couldn't be found when she didn't want to be._

_Ziva spent almost half the day searching for her sister, only to find her in the biggest market area in the city. Music played and everything was showed and sold from jewelry to food._

_She began to relax when she was not quite 100 yards behind her sister, whose pace never slowed._

_Suddenly, an explosion sounded from in front of her and Tali. The shockwave sent both Tali and Ziva off their feet and crumpling to the ground. Ziva knew in an instant it was a suicide bomber; she had heard the sound throughout the city hundreds of times. Despite all her training, terror gripped her heart and caused her to freeze. She could only watch as another explosion occurred, engulfing her younger sister in flames and smoke._

_A few minutes later, ambulances and other emergency personnel arrived on the scene to put out the fires, assess the damage, and care for the wounded and dead alike._

_To Ziva's shock, they pulled a small body from the wreckage. Ziva recognized it as Tali's body._

_Ziva rushed forward, only to be held back by police officers who were attempting to control the gathering crowd._

"_Let me go!" she yelled at them. "That is my sister!"_

_They released her and Ziva ran over to the fireman who held Tali's badly burnt body. By some miracle, Tali was still alive, barely breathing._

_She opened her eyes and looked up at her sister, who took her from the fireman's arms into her own and cradled her there._

"_Talk to me, Tali," Ziva said. "You are going to be alright. You have to fight."_

_But Ziva knew she was saying those words merely to comfort them both; whether it was fair or not, she was going to lose Tali._

_Then Tali spoke the last words she would ever say to Ziva._

"_It's OK, Zi. This wasn't your fault. I love you."_

_Then her chest ceased to rise and fall altogether and Ziva gently closed her sister's eyes._

"_Be at peace, my sister."_

_Ziva tried to stand, but couldn't. She stayed kneeling on the hard city street, grief seizing her heart like iron bands, making it difficult to breathe as she sobbed and let the tears fall, unrestrained._

_Tali, her little sister, was gone, in ten seconds. Ziva's life would never be the same without her._

The next memory was shorter.

_Ziva's vision darkened and the smell of sawdust filled the air._

_After a brief conversation, Ari raised the gun toward Gibbs, to kill him. Gibbs, however, would not kill him first, stating that he had killed enough people in his life._

"_Sorry to spoil your—"_

_Suddenly, a shot rang out, there was a brief grunt of pain, a quick splash of blood, and Ari fell to the ground, lifeless._

_Gibbs looked up and saw Ziva silently coming down the stairs. She came over and stood beside him, as they both looked down at Ari's lifeless body._

"_His father's the Deputy Director in Mossad?" Gibbs asked her._

"_Yes."_

"_Not David?"_

"_Yes," Ziva said, holding back sobs all the while. "He's my half-brother."_

_Gibbs gently touched his hand to hers before walking away. Ziva softly spoke some last words in Hebrew to Ari._

Other memories of her first officially joining the team flashed before her.

"_Anyone have a key for this?" Ziva asked, pointing at a drawer in her desk._

"_It's Kate's desk," McGee said pointedly._

"_OK, but if I'm going to be a part of your team, I would love to—"_

"_Whoa, whoa, whoa, you're part of our team?" McGee asked, cutting her off._

_Ziva paused, puzzled. "Yes."_

_McGee looked at Tony. "Gibbs tell _you _about this?"_

"_Nope," Tony said._

_Ziva retrieved a folder and handed it to them. "Here are my orders, signed by Director Sheppard."_

_Tony snatched the folder away from McGee and both men looked it over._

"_Think Gibbs knows?" McGee asked skeptically._

"_I hope so," Ziva said. "All my personal possessions are currently being shipped from Tel Aviv to Washington."_

"_I'd hold off on unpacking the waffle iron until you talk to him, Ziva," Tony said, as the elevator dinged again._

"_When's Gibbs come in?" Ziva asked._

_Tony looked over her shoulder. "Now."_

_Ziva turned and went over to Gibbs and shook his hand. "Special Agent Gibbs."_

"_Ziva," Gibbs said, a light layer of skepticism coating his voice, as the memory of Ziva killing Ari and saving his life flashed through his mind. "What are you doing here?"_

"_Looking forward to being a member of your team," Ziva said._

_Gibbs stared at her, then took a sip of his coffee, then walked away without responding._

_Ziva sighed deeply as she watched him walk away. "I stand corrected; it appears Gibbs didn't know." She went and sat at Kate's desk. "I feel like a donkey's butt."_

_McGee looked at Tony, confused. "'Donkey's butt'?" he asked._

"_I think she meant 'horse's ass,' McGee," Tony explained._

"_Yes, that too," Ziva agreed._

Other memories lasted longer.

"_What's the verdict?" Ziva asked, standing up as Gibbs came back later from talking with Director Sheppard in MTAC._

"_Pack your trash," Gibbs said._

_Ziva pursued her lips and nodded, confused. "Not a problem." She proceeded to gather her things. "Most of it doesn't arrive 'til next week." She looked at Tony and McGee, who were both watching curiously. "Nice seeing you again, Tony." Tony waved, but said nothing. "McGee." She waved to McGee, who waved back. She then proceeded to the elevator and pressed the lobby button. Gibbs hopped into the elevator just before the doors closed._

"_I told you to pack your trash, Ziva. I don't remember giving you permission to leave yet," Gibbs said, in a scolding manner. He flipped the emergency switch and shut down the elevator. "You requested this assignment?"_

"_I did."_

"_Why?" Gibbs asked suspiciously._

"_I had to get away from Mossad for a while."_

"_You believe what Ari said about your father?"_

"_No!" Ziva said, too quickly. Then she hesitated and admitted, "Yes. Maybe."_

"_Your brother was a Svengali, Ziva."_

_Ziva let out a cynical chuckle. "Like father. Like son."_

"_Does Mossad know you killed Ari?"_

"_No. They believe your report." She looked at him. "Only you and I know the truth. For that, I thank you."_

"_I trust you, you know that," Gibbs said sincerely. "But when we leave this elevator—"_

"_You start kicking my butt," Ziva guessed._

"_I don't kick butt," Gibbs said, exasperated, then he flipped the emergency switch back on._

_Without warning, he slapped Ziva on the back of the head. Ziva gasped, surprised, then laughed. Gibbs allowed himself to smile and laugh, then promptly banished it as the elevator doors reopened._

"_Miss David will be with us for a while," Gibbs announced, as he and Ziva exited the elevator._

_Ziva made to sit down at Kate's desk, but Gibbs stopped her. "That's Kate's desk. Yours is out at the end."_

_Ziva sighed. To Tony, she said, "He's a tough one to read."_

"_You'll find most N.C.I.S. agents are like that. It's our training," Tony said._

"_Is that a fact?"_

"_Mm-hmm. We never let other people know what we're thinking."_

_An impish smile crept over Tony's face._

"_Right now, you're thinking of doing page 57 with me," Ziva said coyly, before walking away, leaving Tony speechless._

A last memory passed across her vision.

_Gibbs exited the elevator and stepped into the dark bullpen. His pace slowed as he passed Kate's desk, sensing he was not alone._

_Ziva leaned forward and turned on the desk lamp. Gibbs stared at her._

"_She's gone, Gibbs," Ziva said. "I don't think Kate would mind."_

_After a moment, Gibbs nodded, then walked over to his desk._

"_I found this," Ziva said, handing him a sketchbook, "but I have a feeling she would have wanted you to have it." Gibbs smiled. "See you in the morning."_

_Ziva walked away and Gibbs opened the sketchbook and looked at each of the very realistic drawings. First, Tony, followed by McGee, then Abby, Ducky, and finally himself._

_Gibbs closed the book, leaned back, intertwined his hands behind his head, and sighed._

Once the memories faded, Ziva realized she was being gently pulled along by a breeze. It turned her slowly in a circle and she kept her eyes closed, enjoying the peaceful bliss of it.

"Ziva. Ziva, open your eyes."

Ziva felt herself stop moving and opened her eyes. Next second, she realized she was floating a few inches above pink and peach-colored clouds. She couldn't remember how she had gotten here. In front of her stood a familiar figure.

"Tony."

"You look like hell, Zee-vah. Though that's luckily not where we are. I'd better hope not anyway."

Tony flashed a cheeky grin.

Ziva took a step toward Tony and, to her surprise, her head spun and she staggered. Tony quickly steadied her.

"Whoa, easy, Ziva. You're gonna feel light-headed for a while."

Ziva nodded shortly. Though she felt foolish to do so, she couldn't stop herself from asking, "Have I died?"

"Not exactly," Tony said. "You had a seizure and you're not doing so well, Ziva. I know what you're thinking—"

"I thought it was one of our unwritten rules that we 'never let anyone know what we're thinking'?" Ziva asked. "It was one of the first things you said to me when I officially joined the team."

"Ziva," Tony groaned, "I always _did_ know what you were thinking. You can't make this your end."

"You did!" Ziva protested, looking at him through watery eyes.

"I didn't have a choice. Believe me, I tried," Tony pointed out.

Ziva allowed the real tears to finally fall, tears that she had been holding in for so long.

"I'm so sorry, Tony," she said, choking up. "Please forgive me! I didn't mean to!"

The next second surprised Ziva more than anything. Tony pulled her into his arms and let her cry bitterly. She thought she'd go right through him; instead, he was solid, warm, and glowing.

"It's OK, Zi. I already have. It wasn't your fault."

Ziva gasped; she wondered if Tony knew Tali had been the last person to call her that, the last person in a long time. The words he had just spoken to her were eerily similar to the last words her sister had ever spoken to her.

She nodded. "It's not the same without you, Tony. We miss you."

"Of course, Ziva," Tony said. "I'd be worried if you didn't. But you won't feel this way forever, not if you allow yourself to move on. You miss us, but you move on." He put a hand fondly on her face. "You'll see me again, just not soon."

"What should I do?" Ziva asked desperately.

"Go back to Gibbs, McGee, Abbs, and the others. Get better, then move on, no matter how long it takes." He looked down at her with his soft, gentle ocean-green eyes. "It's OK, Zi. Go back. Do it for me."

Ziva nodded again, swallowed a sob, then took a deep breath. "OK. OK... I'll do it for you," she said. "But what do I tell the others about this? Isn't it only in my mind?"

"What's to tell?" Tony asked. "And who says it's only in your mind?"

Ziva was confused. Before she could respond, however, Tony faded away. Then she felt herself start to drift.

* * *

By the next morning, Ziva's fever had finally broken. Her vital signs were slowly beginning to return to normal and her EKG had not shown any abnormal brain activity since the initial seizure.

Finally, that evening, the heart monitor sped up slightly and Ziva's eyes fluttered open and she stirred. McGee, who was watching her for the night, slowly walked over to her bed.

"Hey, Ziva, it's McGee," he said softly. Ziva's eyes searched around in confusion. "You're OK. You're in a hospital. Just relax and I'll go get your doctor, OK? Blink once if you understand me."

Ziva blinked vaguely and tried to speak, but her throat was too dry and hoarse to produce sound.

"Uh-uh, don't try to talk," McGee said, shaking his head, "just rest. I'll go get your doctor."

Ziva blinked again, before McGee quickly stepped out into the hallway.

A little while later, Ziva had fallen asleep after Doctor Kincaid had examined her vitals and had her identify everyone in the room with her; then, finding nothing abnormal, had insisted she get some rest. Before she had fallen back asleep, Gibbs had asked her what she remembered about the incident. She remembered the gist of everything up to her collapse, which was both excellent and also nothing less than what he expected from her, even under different circumstances. She had, after all, been trained by him for almost two years now.

"How's she doing?" Abby asked the doctor, as he was leaving the room to go check on other patients.

"Extremely well, considering what all happened," Doctor Kincaid said. "I'm fairly certain the antibiotics are doing their job since her fever has broken and she's regained consciousness. We'll still have to do some more assessments later, to determine brain damage. But I don't see why she wouldn't make a full recovery."

Abby smiled; that was positive enough for her. "Thank you, Doctor."

Doctor Kincaid smiled, nodded, then left. Abby went over to Ziva and paused, leaning slightly over her bed.

"Abby?" Ziva whispered, confused.

"I'm trying to figure out where I can hug you without hurting you," Abby said nervously.

Ziva let out a hoarse chuckle. "Anywhere you'd like."

Abby smiled and gently wrapped her arms around Ziva's left side, which was closest to where she stood.

When Abby released her, Ziva inhaled deeply and said, "I accept your apology," before drifting off to sleep.

Abby smiled again, then sat down in the chair next to her bed to wait for when Ziva next awoke.

* * *

The next day, Ziva had passed all her doctor-given tests and was discharged from Bethesda. Miraculously, she seemed to have incurred no brain damage from the bout with meningitis or the seizure it had caused. Gibbs and McGee picked her up and spent the first night with her at her apartment, McGee on her couch, Gibbs on the floor in a sleeping bag. For the next week, Gibbs was forced to limit Abby's visits to an hour a day when it wasn't her day to watch Ziva, or else Ziva never got the rest she needed.

As the days went on, Ziva continued to become stronger. On the third week into her recovery, she was cleared to rejoin field work and joined the rest of the team on a case, a significant indication to particularly Gibbs that she was moving on from Tony's death. He smiled for real. He was proud of her.

* * *

At the end of a long day, Ziva, Gibbs, McGee and Abby could all be found in the dark bullpen, doing paperwork, working away at a computer, and just sitting. Ziva was sitting silently at her desk, looking at Tony's empty desk, smiling sadly, as she thought about him. It had taken her a long time to come to terms with that she would always remember him and that she _could_ be happy again, though of course, nothing would ever be the same.

She looked over to make sure Abby and McGee weren't listening, disregarding that Gibbs most likely could hear, before softly whispering, "Thank you for forgiving me, Tony."

From McGee's desk, he and Abby looked over at Ziva.

"Do you think she's alright?" Abby asked McGee quietly.

"Yeah, I think so," McGee said. "She just needs more time to readjust. We all do."

Abby nodded in agreement, leaning down and fondly wrapping her arms around his shoulders.

"You know what keeps me going, Tim," she said softly, leaning on him as they both looked at his computer screen, "no matter how bad things get?"

"What?" McGee asked, looking up at her.

"Faith," Abby answered. "Faith in God, faith in myself, in time, in change, in infinity, in resilience, opportunity, fate, learning, science, and the similarities and differences in us all. But, above all else, faith in the fact that someone has everything under control."

McGee smiled and nodded. "That's poetic," he said quietly.

Abby smiled and fondly pulled him closer to her.

* * *

_So, who thinks the conversation Ziva had with Tony was only in her mind? Who thinks she died? Who thinks otherwise (if you have other interpretations, be sure to leave them in reviews, I'm really curious!) I won't give an affirmative answer either way, because even for me, even though I wrote it, the way I wrote it leaves it up to my own imagination and interpretation as well. So it's really up to you guys, whatever you want to think. ;)_

_I don't know about you guys, but I LOVED this week's episode! LOVED it! I loved how we learned more about each member of the team— except Gibbs, of course. I did NOT think that was Kate's sister, though! My now ex-roommate— WHO DOESN'T WATCH THE SHOW— figured it out before I did! I didn't catch it because she doesn't resemble Kate much, in my opinion... But overall, I LOVED it! Anybody else love it?  
_

_In other news, who else is stoked for Season 9? I AM! I'm not sure who all has been signed on again for it, as to the cast, but I'm sure tiffaroolou, my **LOVELY **beta reader, will find that out for me before I do. :D  
_

_Oh, and in case you guys are curious, the final Abby line is an actual Pauley Perette quote from real life. I found it on, I believe, IMDB trivia, a while back and it fit very nicely into that scene. :)_

_Also, Ziva's line from Silver War, "When's Gibbs come in?" is the WORST grammar I've EVER heard from her! She should have said, "When does Gibbs come in?", because "When's Gibbs come in?" means "When is/has Gibbs come in?", doesn't it? Come on, CBS! For some reason, that's really bugging me, but I'm a grammar Nazi, so..._

_As always, please review! Thanks. I hope you guys have enjoyed this story. Not sure when I'll post up something new, due to school and looking for a summer job and probably moving for the summer and such, when all that happens, but BOLO for more in the future. :)_

_Renthead07_


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